Jesus and Mary, Oh My!
While many Christians are still patiently waiting for Jesus’ Second Coming, others believe that Jesus has already appeared - albeit not exactly in the manner that many would expect. Even Jesus’ mother Mary seems to get around frequently these days. Here are some recent sightings:
Girl Finds Sweet Jesus Image In Piece Of Candy
April 17, 2008JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — A Florida girl said she was about to pop a piece of candy in her mouth when she saw an image of Jesus in the sweet. He’s supposedly in a swirl, hands clasped in prayer, with a halo. Jessica Perry, 14, of Jacksonville, Fla., said she wasn’t quite convinced that it was a sign from God.
“I found something amazing in a piece of candy that I was about to put in my mouth,” she said. “I always look at the shape of it. … At first, I thought it was a little girl, and then I thought it was Jesus.”
Jessica said she would consider selling the sweet Jesus candy for the right price.
Jessica is not quite convinced that this is a sign from God. I suggest that she eat the piece of candy anyway, wait a day or so, and see what happens. If Jesus reappears intact, then I will be impressed.
Florida Couple Sees Jesus In Shower Stain: Family Treats Shower Like Shrine
March 26, 2008MIAMI — A Florida woman says she asked for a sign from God and she got it in her shower. Laquan Joyner and her husband, Theo Grimes, said they have been praying and asking God to send them a sign. When they looked in the shower, right next to the shampoo, there it was, an image of Jesus Christ. The family said they will never clean the spot and they now treat the shower like a shrine.
“I was like, ‘Yeah, a real live image of Jesus is in the shower,’” Joyner said. “I couldn’t believe, it either. But it’s there. And my grandmother came, and she saw it and said, ‘I’ve seen everything.’”
I can think of hundreds of signs that God could give if He so chose. This is decidedly not one of them. Yet these people apparantly believe that, out of all of the signs that God could give, He decided to move around the grime in their shower so that it resembles the face of a bearded man (who, of course, must be Jesus).
Texas Man Sees Gift From Heaven In Jesus Meteorite
December 17, 2007CELINA, Texas — A Texas man believes a meteorite that fell near his home was a gift from the heavens. Terrance Cotton said he believes the meteorite looks like the face of Jesus Christ. Cotton was playing with his dogs outside his home and wishing on what he thought was a falling star. That’s when heard a strange sound and looked up. “There was this cracking sound and it was really loud,” said Cotton. The object crashed into his yard. At first, he thought this object was just a meteorite. Then, Cotton said he got a message.
“I heard a voice and it said, ‘Look and see if you can see a face,’” Cotton said. “And I looked and I saw an image of Jesus Christ.”
When it happened, almost a year ago, it made headlines in Abilene. Now, dozens of people are coming to Cotton’s home in Celina to see the meteorite. Terrance said he wants to share it with the world.
“I’ve had people look at it and they can’t look at it anymore — it’s too much,” he said. “And I’ve had people come in and say they can’t see it.”
Whether they see the miracle or not, Terrance said has seen changes in his life. He said he is now more at peace. Cotton had scientists from Hardin Simmons University look at the meteorite to confirm that it was real. He said he has also had several people offer to buy it for thousands of dollars.
Well, now we know what happened to Jesus while he was descending through the clouds during his Second Coming.
Woman Says Holy Flapjack Resembles Jesus, Mary
November 14, 2007PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. — A South Florida woman has sold a pancake she claims contains an image resembling Jesus and Mary. Marilyn Smith, of Port St. Lucie, said the spiritual image appeared Sunday morning while she was making breakfast. Her daughter, Dana Okane, said she believed the pancake was a miracle and posted it on the Internet auction site, eBay. When bidding ended Tuesday, Smith had sold the pancake for $338.
Okane said she thinks the image is a message from God telling the world to “clean up its act.”
Yes, that is the obvious and logical way to send such a clear message: burn some outlines into a flapjack. And to the person who paid $338 for a pancake…
Image Of Virgin Mary Appears On Lemon
September 20, 2007WATAUGA, Texas — A Texas man said he has spotted the face of the Virgin Mary on a lemon slice. Marty Nance of Watauga, Texas, spotted the face earlier this week while he was cutting the lemon at his father’s bar. However, where Nance sees the Virgin Mary, others in the bar are seeing other faces.
“Some people say it looked like Mother Teresa or Virgin Mary,” Nance said. “Some people say it looked like the Mona Lisa picture and some people say it looked like Nicole Kidman.”
Nance said the face really showed up after he took a picture of it. Marty does not plan to sell it on eBay at this time. He said he will keep it in his freezer so others can check out his unique lemon.
God works in mysterious ways. Apparently so does His mother.
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I’m sorry, but I see nothing but naked porn in all those images!
Except the meteorite, if it really is one…it just looks like a toad ’s arse.
CHEERS!
Bob
Of course these are not depictions of Jesus and Mary, they are pictures of western interpretations of a blue-eyed Jesus and his Holy Mother. If Jesus were to walk down the street appearing as he did during His life before He was crucified, not a single person would recognize Him. Isn’t it miraculous how Jesus recreates his own image to fit the expectations of His believers?
But hey, whatever sells on eBay.
Sorry, Zwrdl, “Jesus” never existed, unless you’re talking about the Mexican gardener.
Logically; if those three kings knew about the “saviour” being born and travelled to the stable with gifts, and everyone else who saw the alleged star overhead as a sign, why aren’t there words carved into stone, statues, anything following his life, even tales of toddler years, or teenage years of someone supposed to be so special? NOTHING written until about forty years after the fables of his life.
And, immaculate conception - HA! You really believe Joe wasn’t boinking his wife before that?
Also, if you believe the bible, do you see that it endorses incest? After Adam and Eve, and they had kids….how do we expand the population from there? Same with after the great flood and Noah. Small gene pool to rebuild the earth - gotta boink your blood relatives to make it happen. Gross, eh?!
Read the bible - the outrageous contradictions will enlighten you back into reality.
I’m not a believer. I’m of the atheist persuasion. You need to lighten up. You sound like a religious proselytizer coming from the reverse direction, showing zeal for atheism almost as if it were Your Mission to convert folks to it. BTW there is some pretty good proof of an historical Jesus, or whatever he was called in Hebrew. His divinity or accounts in scripture are another thing altogether.
A mission to convert the world to atheism? I wish I had the time and resources. It would be a real step toward world peace, and civilisation getting closer to maturity.
You are the one who should lighten up. I, a real atheist, was simply and rudely poking fun at the items on this page; never-ending pareidolia stories coming from a never-ending line of religious retards… And the idiots who line up and pay to see the candy, toast, grease stain, pancake, corn flake, stool pile in the bowl, all in a vague shape of a religious condolence card personality.
You definitely are not atheist. Your word capitalisation’s (His, Him, Holy Mother) and description of a biblical myth (the specific crucifixion of a Jesus) as a reality, betray your beliefs. Your acceptance of weak, solely faith-based evidence that a Jesus existed back then indicates you have personal faith in those events. It is your option, but, hedging your bets, or what?
Reality check, Zwrdl - you’re not atheist.
CHEERS!
Zwrdl,
I think that the better question is this: Isn’t it unsurprising how his believers recreate Jesus and Mary’s image to fit their own expectations within their own time period?
Capitalized words = belief? Not able to recognize written sarcasm, apparently. Whatever You say, Bob. I guess if You say so I must believe in god and Jesus. And those secular scholars whom I am sure You have no doubt studied and who support an historical non-divine Jesus are talking through their hats. You, of course, have done serious research on this and have the last Word on all matters pertaining thereunto.
I know You are aware of what cogent argument, since Your statement “rudely poking fun at the items on this page; never-ending pareidolia stories coming from a never-ending line of religious retards” certainly exemplifies good debating skills and You used a big word correctly. Congratulations. I’m sure You are very effective in persuading folks that atheists have the corner on intelligence.
You go, Girl.
And James, I agree. “True believers” do seem to have some deep capacity for manufacturing improbabilities, if not downright impossibilities . It amazes me that anyone could possibly think, postulating the existence of some savior figure arising from the Middle East, the he would be a six foot tall, blue eyed, non-semitic looking fellow. Some of those figures on toast are probably closer to the reality.
No one born there looked like Jesus when and where Jesus was supposed to have lived. But maybe that’s one of His Miracles.