When I first read this article, “Church set up as a haven for smokers,” I thought that it must be a joke. As far as I can tell, it’s not. A Dutch indoor smoking ban went into effect as of July 1st of this year, however, apparently stepping outside to blow some smoke isn’t good enough. So, what is one to do in a situation like this? Start a religion? I guess so! Hence, “The Only and Universal Smokers Church of God.”

The idea, or so it goes, is that, while smoking may be banned indoors, such a ban should not be applied to Churches where smoking is fundamental to their religious beliefs. To do so would amount to religious discrimination. Wait, what? What does smoking tobacco have to do with religion? From the article:

“We think we have all the marks of a religion,” he said.

“We will have to find out what the secular powers-that-be think. For us the constitution and European rules say we have the right to express our religion and we express our religion through smoking.”

Church members receive a card, for a fee of £3, to prove their religious denomination as a “Holy Smoker” to the authorities. Believers sign up to a creed asserting a trinity of smoke, fire and ash. In terms of holy rites their god is honoured by smoking. The Smokers Church or Rokerskerk has over 2000 members including a “missionary” in Britain, Mr Eijsbouts told The Daily Telegraph.

“For a smoker with a small s it is just a bodily need. For a smoker with a capital S it is a spiritual need, you have to have a religious experience. When you are lighting up you have to think of God,” he said.

“Converting people was not easy until the smoking ban started but now people are flocking to the church.”

…

“We stand firmly behind the church’s teachings and that is smoking,” said Cor Busch, owner of the Lindeboom bar in the northern Dutch town of Alkmaar.

Who would have ever thought that God requires believers to honor Him by inhaling toxic, cancer-inducing substances into ones lungs? Not even in my wildest imagination. Although, perhaps this is the same God who got pleasure from smelling the sweet odor of burning animal flesh (Genesis 8:21).

Anyway, what more needs to be said here? People are flocking to the church, not because its ‘holy trinity’ of “smoke, fire, and ash” make any religious sense, but rather, because this is just another example of people trying to exploit the special status that our society places on religious activities. Or, to put it another way, it amounts to religious people seeking special rights and privileges that non-believers do not get simply because something believers do happens to be labeled as religious (no matter how strange or absurd).

I can only wonder what’s next. Anyone care to hazard a guess?