The following is a guest post by OpenDiary blogger Atheist Under Ur Bed. This is part of an ongoing series that will be posted each Monday. You can read the introduction to this series by clicking here.

Welcome back!

Without further delay, here are a few more of the fatal problems I see with any literal interpretation of this Genesis tale.

10) The Bible’s “perfect” God seems unable to make a simple decision and stick with it

It is impossible to reconcile these three passages (italics added):

A) “And God said to Noah, I have determined to make an end of all flesh… behold I will destroy them with the earth.” (Gen. 6:13 RSV);

B) “And of every living thing of all flesh, you shall bring two of every sort into the ark, to keep them alive with you…” (Gen. 6:19);

C) “Take with you seven pairs of all clean animals… and a pair of the animals that are not clean….” (Gen. 7:2).

Modern Bible scholars say these obviously contradictory passages are the result of various conflicting stories being imperfectly slapped together by later compilers (much as was the case with the two separate Creation stories which open the Bible). Bible literalists, however, refuse to see any problem. Next time you encounter such a literalist, be sure to ask for an explanation.

11) The murky differences between and significance of “clean” and “unclean” animals

As quoted above, Gen. 7:2 has God telling Noah to take seven pairs of all clean animals aboard the ark but only one pair of unclean animals. Unfortunately for Noah and good storytelling alike, God seems not to have bothered to reveal what the difference is between clean and unclean animals until the much later time covered in Leviticus and Deuteronomy. Since the Bible’s clean/unclean distinction turns out to be mysteriously theological rather than hygienic, it is impossible to see what difference it might have made to Noah or anyone else. Without the complex eating and handling restrictions detailed in Leviticus (which Noah and others before Moses seem not to have been required to follow), the clean/unclean distinction seems arbitrary and pointless. Since God had to tell the Moses all about clean and unclean animals all over again from scratch, it seems that the distinction died with Noah (if he knew it at all) – underlining its unimportance. On the other hand, if people before Moses really did know of the differences between and the significance of clean and unclean animals, then the Bible’s account of God’s having to spell these differences out to Moses can’t be true.

12) The absurdity of ark construction

The Bible says that the ark was 300 cubits (450 feet) long, by fifty cubits (75 feet) wide, by 30 cubits (45 feet) high. These measurements produce a volume of over 1.5 million cubic feet. That’s 5.5 times the volume of one Fletcher class destroyer produced by the U.S. during World War II. Obviously, the ark was quite a boat – yet the Bible says it was made by Noah, a man then over 500 years old who obviously lacked modern lumber yards and power tools (not to mention the mechanical pencil). Even if we allow him the aid of his three sons, the idea that he actually managed to build such an ark is absurd. It is especially absurd – and cruel as well – when we recall that God could have willed the thing into being instantaneously. To instead order the only just and righteous man on earth to build that impossibly huge ark himself in his extreme old age seems something Satan would do – not a just and merciful God.

13) The impossibility of construction site security

The Bible says that Noah did in fact manage to build the ark and to stock it full of animals just as God ordered. How was this possible if mankind was as thoroughly evil as the Bible says it was? Didn’t one thief or murderer notice the huge boat being built and guarded by just a few men and women? Didn’t one band of robbers notice the fantastic lines of livestock headed towards the ark and seize the chance to take these animals for themselves? How is it possible that Noah’s allegedly evil sons didn’t sell him out to one of the many evil princes then in the world? Just how could someone build what must have been the biggest ship thus far in history and fill it with every wondrous and valuable animal under the sun while escaping the notice and unwelcome interest of a world full of devils?

14) The innumerable logistical problems

Obviously the story of the ark raises all sorts of simple logistical questions. Did the ark really hold two members of each type of bird, animal, and insect alive today – over 10 million species? How did Noah get two of every species on earth to the Mideast? How did penguins and polar bears, among others, adjust to the change in climate? How did Noah save the mites, germs, and bacteria ancient man could neither imagine nor see? How did a mere 8 people manage, feed, and clean up after all these species during the many weeks spent on the ark? How did these people know what each species needed to survive, and how did they acquire and stockpile these things? Which of these 8 people agreed to serve as homes for the tapeworms, whipworms, hookworms, pinworms, roundworms, lice, ticks, bedbugs, fleas, and other parasites which require a human host? Which agreed to serve as hosts for syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and genital warts? Which agreed to harbor the flu bugs, the cold viruses, and all the other infectious (and often deadly) life forms which require a human host? Can it really be possible that during all the time all these life forms spent on the ark none died from mishandling, illness, stress, each other, or the human immune system? After the Flood was over, how did all these animals get back to their proper habitats? What habitat was left but a muddy world devoid of plant life and prey? How did these animals survive in that world? The Bible makes no attempt to answer any of these or similar questions. No reasonable answers seem possible. Most of the questions themselves seem to have been beyond the ability of the simple-minded authors of this tale to imagine.

15) The special problem of extinct animals

Did Noah manage to take aboard the ark two of every sort of dinosaur and other now-extinct animal as well? If so, how? The already impossible logistical problems sketched above explode exponentially when one remembers that over 99% of all animals that have ever lived are now extinct. If Noah did not take all then-living animal species aboard the ark and some perished as a result, then the Bible lies when it says otherwise in Gen. 7:8-9. On the other hand, if these species died out before the Flood, it indicates that A) God didn’t design a perfect universe; B) God engaged in bigger and more elaborate killing sprees long before the Flood, and the Bible oddly fails to note this fact; and C) God’s telling Noah to save the remaining animals from the Flood seems bizarrely out of character – kind of like Hitler taking mercy on a cockroach in his kitchen. To focus on that mercy while ignoring the extreme violence and destruction which characterizes the rest of God’s career is to commit the logical sin of misemphasis, to say the least.

But shoot – seems class has run a little long today and I still haven’t said everything I want to on this subject. I promise to try to wrap things up tomorrow, ok?

Hope you can wait!

(Go directly to Part 3)