Comments on: Dad, I really am an atheist. I promise. http://www.anatheist.net/2009/04/dad-i-really-am-an-atheist-i-promise/ Atheism & Religious Skepticism Thu, 02 Sep 2010 01:11:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Steniia http://www.anatheist.net/2009/04/dad-i-really-am-an-atheist-i-promise/comment-page-1/#comment-8519 Steniia Tue, 11 Aug 2009 04:04:28 +0000 http://www.anatheist.net/?p=2639#comment-8519 This is probably a bit weird just throwing out an opinion like this but I also had an intimate association with the church through my childhood and early teens. My mom worked for the church as a secretary and my father was the maintenance man. I attended different services throughout the week-sometimes spending as much as 5 days at church. Most of that was done after I had decided I was an atheist but my family had insisted that I continue because it was just the devil tempting me through my secular influences and if I would just push myself to love god that I would grow to understand how much he loved me. I guess the reason I'm posting a reply is, after I moved out of my parent's house (I'm now 22) and was able to stop church and started therapy (due to immense gut wrenching stress) I found out that I have generalized anxiety disorder resulting in severe depression. I attribute this 50% to the church for making me feel like crap through their angry god with insane rules and 50% to my parents for living half in the word and half by their own freaky standards that tugged me in a million depression. Hang in there, and while I can't promise it, I'm sure that when you move away and are able to become your own person you'll find that life is a lot less hectic and you'll feel a lot better about yourself. : ) This is probably a bit weird just throwing out an opinion like this but I also had an intimate association with the church through my childhood and early teens. My mom worked for the church as a secretary and my father was the maintenance man. I attended different services throughout the week-sometimes spending as much as 5 days at church. Most of that was done after I had decided I was an atheist but my family had insisted that I continue because it was just the devil tempting me through my secular influences and if I would just push myself to love god that I would grow to understand how much he loved me.

I guess the reason I'm posting a reply is, after I moved out of my parent's house (I'm now 22) and was able to stop church and started therapy (due to immense gut wrenching stress) I found out that I have generalized anxiety disorder resulting in severe depression. I attribute this 50% to the church for making me feel like crap through their angry god with insane rules and 50% to my parents for living half in the word and half by their own freaky standards that tugged me in a million depression.

Hang in there, and while I can't promise it, I'm sure that when you move away and are able to become your own person you'll find that life is a lot less hectic and you'll feel a lot better about yourself. : )

]]> By: Scadilla http://www.anatheist.net/2009/04/dad-i-really-am-an-atheist-i-promise/comment-page-1/#comment-5265 Scadilla Fri, 08 May 2009 07:43:02 +0000 http://www.anatheist.net/?p=2639#comment-5265 I know how lonely it is to be the only non-believer in a religious family. To me it feels like everything I do is somewhat undermined by my beliefs or lack there of. It feels like my parents wont be as proud of me unless I believed in God. The self-doubting is normal. I think it stems from lack of support. The support that helps you reinforce your beliefs. Compare your conviction to Christianity when you were. I bet you were incredibly confident. That's, because you had many pillars to lean on. Now, you're essentially on you're own and it's harder to stand strong in your conviction, but I guarantee you it pays off in the end. Be a shining beacon for Atheism. Prove your morals and ethics haven't been laid aside. You might inspire someone else that's having doubts to join your plight. Try the chat at <a href="http://www.Thinkatheist.com" target="_blank">www.Thinkatheist.com</a> You'll be relieved at how many people there were redeemed from similar situations. I know how lonely it is to be the only non-believer in a religious family. To me it feels like everything I do is somewhat undermined by my beliefs or lack there of. It feels like my parents wont be as proud of me unless I believed in God. The self-doubting is normal. I think it stems from lack of support. The support that helps you reinforce your beliefs. Compare your conviction to Christianity when you were. I bet you were incredibly confident. That's, because you had many pillars to lean on. Now, you're essentially on you're own and it's harder to stand strong in your conviction, but I guarantee you it pays off in the end. Be a shining beacon for Atheism. Prove your morals and ethics haven't been laid aside. You might inspire someone else that's having doubts to join your plight.
Try the chat at http://www.Thinkatheist.com You'll be relieved at how many people there were redeemed from similar situations.

]]> By: Alex http://www.anatheist.net/2009/04/dad-i-really-am-an-atheist-i-promise/comment-page-1/#comment-4872 Alex Fri, 01 May 2009 12:49:44 +0000 http://www.anatheist.net/?p=2639#comment-4872 It is very likely that your anxiety comes from your conflict with your dad. It may be a simple and tranzitory effect of the mental bullying/torture your father unfortunately does on you. Lack of self respect and trust are usually the signs of bullying parents. It may actually be usefull for you to move out of the house sooner than 18 and only have contact with your mom and the relatives that support you. I certainly had a huge improvement after I confronted my parents about my atheism and after I rejected the stupid ilogical stuff that bothered me before, such as the real fear of the devil or of god's eye when having normal sexual thoughts, etc. For senzitive, artistic types the torture that religious close minded people put them through may in the future be catalogued as criminal negllijence in case of the parents. There is nothing you can do to make him proud while his mind is infected by the virus of religion that much. He will still love you, no human can turn that off at will, but he won't be able to tell you the way uninfected humans do. So if you surround yourself with nurturing people (other relatives, stable boyfriend, sane friends) you may be able to have your anxiety disappear easily and become self assured. You should discuss this with your terapist. I am sending you a big hug right now! It is very likely that your anxiety comes from your conflict with your dad. It may be a simple and tranzitory effect of the mental bullying/torture your father unfortunately does on you. Lack of self respect and trust are usually the signs of bullying parents. It may actually be usefull for you to move out of the house sooner than 18 and only have contact with your mom and the relatives that support you. I certainly had a huge improvement after I confronted my parents about my atheism and after I rejected the stupid ilogical stuff that bothered me before, such as the real fear of the devil or of god's eye when having normal sexual thoughts, etc. For senzitive, artistic types the torture that religious close minded people put them through may in the future be catalogued as criminal negllijence in case of the parents. There is nothing you can do to make him proud while his mind is infected by the virus of religion that much. He will still love you, no human can turn that off at will, but he won't be able to tell you the way uninfected humans do. So if you surround yourself with nurturing people (other relatives, stable boyfriend, sane friends) you may be able to have your anxiety disappear easily and become self assured. You should discuss this with your terapist.

I am sending you a big hug right now!

]]> By: Rene Benthien http://www.anatheist.net/2009/04/dad-i-really-am-an-atheist-i-promise/comment-page-1/#comment-4623 Rene Benthien Sun, 26 Apr 2009 21:34:53 +0000 http://www.anatheist.net/?p=2639#comment-4623 Hi. I know what you are going through. My father is very similar to yours. Not religious (in fact he was constantly mocking my mum's religiousness) but has the same penchant for intimidating and demeaning behavior. Especially if you aren't following the exact path he's mapped out. And he has a hard time showing that he is proud of his children, possibly due to his own insecurities and unrealised expectations. My sister went through severe psychotic breakdowns and he wasn't able to deal with it either. His presence and the pressure that he put on the family prolonged her condition. After some long years of hard work, actively seeking treatment and medication, and distancing herself emotionally from her father, my sister has now recovered completely and is doing great. Though her relationship with her father is not going to ever be close, or even amicable, she's just happier and better off for it. She no longer has the desire to seek his approval. It seems like you have an understanding mum so make sure you rely on her support. Good on you for making those speeches, helping others and not being afraid to get yourself the support you need. Keep it up. You obviously already know how important that is. Hi. I know what you are going through. My father is very similar to yours. Not religious (in fact he was constantly mocking my mum's religiousness) but has the same penchant for intimidating and demeaning behavior. Especially if you aren't following the exact path he's mapped out.

And he has a hard time showing that he is proud of his children, possibly due to his own insecurities and unrealised expectations.

My sister went through severe psychotic breakdowns and he wasn't able to deal with it either. His presence and the pressure that he put on the family prolonged her condition.

After some long years of hard work, actively seeking treatment and medication, and distancing herself emotionally from her father, my sister has now recovered completely and is doing great. Though her relationship with her father is not going to ever be close, or even amicable, she's just happier and better off for it. She no longer has the desire to seek his approval.

It seems like you have an understanding mum so make sure you rely on her support. Good on you for making those speeches, helping others and not being afraid to get yourself the support you need. Keep it up. You obviously already know how important that is.

]]> By: Adrian Hayter http://www.anatheist.net/2009/04/dad-i-really-am-an-atheist-i-promise/comment-page-1/#comment-4563 Adrian Hayter Sat, 25 Apr 2009 14:38:51 +0000 http://www.anatheist.net/?p=2639#comment-4563 I think your original story touched the hearts of us all. This update touches them even more. It is a truly sorry state the world is in when a family cannot just accept the beliefs of one of their own. You are being the strong one by questioning your disbelief (which I agree, isn't a bad thing at all!). Yet they dare not question a single thing about their faith, when they feel fine questioning your personal beliefs. It's so hypocritical and so unfair, and I hope they will eventually reach a state of acceptance. I think your original story touched the hearts of us all. This update touches them even more. It is a truly sorry state the world is in when a family cannot just accept the beliefs of one of their own. You are being the strong one by questioning your disbelief (which I agree, isn't a bad thing at all!). Yet they dare not question a single thing about their faith, when they feel fine questioning your personal beliefs. It's so hypocritical and so unfair, and I hope they will eventually reach a state of acceptance.

]]> By: James Tracy http://www.anatheist.net/2009/04/dad-i-really-am-an-atheist-i-promise/comment-page-1/#comment-4561 James Tracy Sat, 25 Apr 2009 14:34:59 +0000 http://www.anatheist.net/?p=2639#comment-4561 Your update was compelling to read. The denial you are experiencing from family and friends is not surprising. Mental illness is always easier to cope with when you have the complete comfort and support of family. It would certainly be easy to turn back to the comforts of religion. I am impressed that you have managed to remain true to your convictions in such an environment. Hopefully all of the good atheists here and elsewhere on the web have had something to do with it :) Your update was compelling to read. The denial you are experiencing from family and friends is not surprising. Mental illness is always easier to cope with when you have the complete comfort and support of family. It would certainly be easy to turn back to the comforts of religion. I am impressed that you have managed to remain true to your convictions in such an environment. Hopefully all of the good atheists here and elsewhere on the web have had something to do with it :)

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