The following post was submitted by guest contributor Chris Agnostic.

My persona is Chris Agnostic.  No, this is not my real name, simply a name to be easily identified.  Think of it as a stage name if you will.

My path towards Atheism started when I was young.  I grew up in a family (Mother and Father) who didn’t go to church.  The only time I went was when I visit my Grandmother, who was a devout Pentecostal.  When you are young and go to Church, all of it seems awesome (and intimidating).  My Grandmother’s church was a small one, few people went.  Looking back, I realized that many of them were as old as my Grandmother.  We had Sunday School and went to Church twice on Sunday’s, which the night service was always boring and I remember always thinking, When will it end?

As I grew older, I began to see flaws.  My Grandmother was well liked at her Church, everyone thought she was sweet and a delight to have around.  But once she came home, she changed.  Me and her were on different ends.  She herself had 6 daughters, and each daughter on the average had 2 children, giving me about 11 other cousins.  Out of all of the Cousins, I was the only one who didn’t get along with her.  I was a Star Trek fan.  I was a fan of Sci-Fi.  She constantly made fun of my likes and my dreams.  She was meaner to me than any other.  How could this be the same person who was well loved at Church?  I didn’t like her.  It is interesting how Christians are always quick to point out that it is wrong for me not to like my Grandmother, or Brother, or any other family member.  But Love, like Trust and Respect, is something that is earned and not automatically assumed.

I digress…

This was perhaps the seed that started me towards the path, but at the time it left me in a state of wanting to learn more.  As I grew older, I found that I knew little of religion.  As I had mentioned my parents were not religious.  My Mother growing up in the world of my Grandmother, left her despising religion.  When I got to High School, I was certain (without a doubt) there was a God.  Just the Bible remained a mystery.  I grew up in Mesa, Arizona.  For those who don’t know, it is a predominately a Mormon Town.  It was founded by Mormons.  I am not inciting hate here, but my growth was limited due to growing up with people of the Morman faith.  I had found that many children of the faith despise the pratice and were quickly wishing to escape from it.  I did try talking to those of the devout, but I never found the answers I was looking for.

By High School I had met other Christians, even went to a club called FCA (For Christian Atheletes, which most of the people there were not Athletes, perhaps they should opt to change their name).  I went for a whole year, but was still left empty by the experience.  I even dated a girl and fell madly in love with her who was a devout Christian.  But she didn’t return that love back.  She helped me on my guide but it didn’t solidify me in faith.  Also during the time of High School, I learned of Evolution and felt that God and Evolution were mutually exclusive.  But I felt I was the only one who thought like that.  It wasn’t until a few years ago I came across Kenneth L. Miller that I found I was wrong in thinking I was alone.

After High School I joined the Air Force, where I encountered many different people of faith.  I went to Church on Sunday, which was interesting but found myself often falling alseep.  I tried going to different Church each week and found them all to be boring.  Eventually I stopped going.  Once I was out of Basic, on few occasions I went to church but I still questioned everything.  There was a girl there I met who was devout in her beliefs and she knew of my situation.  We became friends, good friends.  We talked a lot.  During our time together, I was able to get her to question her beliefs, stating that the only reason she believed in what she does is because that is what her parents told her she believed in.  For a short time she questioned that and open herself up to new possibilities, but then decided that she wanted to hold onto what she already believed in.  I am OK with that, at the very least she questioned it.

Another person I met in the Military gave me a Bible.  I complained that I had trouble understanding the Bible since it was written in Old English and was written like poetry.  I wanted to read it like a book in modern times.  I would often get a response that you cannot change the word of God, thus why it cannot be translated.  I wish I had the insight I do now back then and point out the books of the bible were not originally in English.  This other person gave me a Bible that was a “Living Translation” so now I could better understand the bible.  I was told that it was not best to read the Bible straight through and in fact you needed to read in a specific order contrary to chronlogically.  So I started with Corinthians, and I encountered a verse that stated “Women do not have a voice in Church”.  This angered me and I suddenly realized (though I knew before, just didn’t really connect the dots) that the Bible was bad as it has been used to discriminate against people through history.  That started me on the path that while I believed in God, I felt the bible was wrong.

But I was alone.  Who could I talk to about any of this.  No one.  I didn’t realize I was now Agnostic.  I felt I was still Christian, just not according to the Christians.  Over time, I learned that I was Agnostic Theism.  And that was pretty much my life until about a year ago.  I was working, and suddenly without any other thought leading up to this, it hit me, Why do I believe in God?

Until then, I was always certain I believed in God.  I event went to Church a few times, but often found myself alone as I often disagreed with the message being delievered (also I once brought up the teaching of Buddah when discussing that of Solomon).  No matter what else I had a lack of faith in, my devotion of God remained.  But I realized the only reason I believed in God was because somewhere along the way, someone told me there was a God and thus, I believed in God.  When I took a step back and looked at everything, I realized, there is no evidence for God.  I never came to God on my own, I just accepted what Authority figures told me.

I felt conflicted.  For 28 years of my life, I was certain there was a God, and now I couldn’t hold on to that belief.  It pained me.  I still had no one to talk to.  I didn’t know what to do.  So I started to try to find evidence for God, see if I could come back to the notion that there was a God.  Often times in great distressed, I relied on asking help from God and wondered if my doing so was evidence that there was a God.  But I came to the conclusion it was mere instinct to do it, possibly one set by my own evolution.  But I am not controlled by my instincts.  The only thing that held true for me was evolution.  That at least had evidence.  So, the first task to my becoming Atheist was to train myself not to turn to God in distress.  That was difficult at first, and I knew it to be the right thing to do, although at first I questioned if I was being dishonest with myself.

During my time of questioning my faith and being on the path towards Atheism, I met some people who were also Atheist in a Guild for Team Fortress 2.  I suddenly didn’t feel alone and I also discovered that YouTube had a lot to offer me.  Specifically of Penn & Teller show (you know the name), and the work of Thunderf00t (Why do people laugh at Creationists).  I looked at many others, including George Carlin before he died and it just all made sense to me.  There was no God.

Also during the time Ben Stein movie came to my attention and I didn’t research on it (without watching it) and I learned who Richard Dawkins was.  So I thank Ben Stein for helping me on my path for introducing Richard Dawkins.  I often talked to my Mother about all of this and what I was going through, and she bought 2 copies of The God Delusion, one for her and one for me.  It was in this book I read of the 1 – 7 scale of Faith and that he was a 6.

I adopted this scale for myself and made it 1 – 100.  At the time I recongized I was an Atheist, I put myself at 90 (which Dawkins would be 91 – 95).  Watching all the videos and talking to a lot of people I came to a couple of conclusions.  So I will now give an overall conclusion of my path and where I started as an Agnostic Theist to where I am now:

30 – Agnostic Theist

I strongly believe there is a God, but I know the Bible to be mostly wrong.

90 – Atheism

I cannot support any evidence that God exists, or any universal consciousness exists, and it is likely it doesn’t exist.

85 – Agnostic Atheism

God is supernatural, and thus not a physical entity of the Universe.  Scientific Understanding is that of testing the phsyical realm.  Since God is not of the physical realm, this concludes no evidence of God can exist.  This gives the conclusion that if God exists, there is no evidence.  But no evidence does not give way that there is a God.  My conclusion at this time is the simpliest explination, there is no God.

80 – Agnostic Atheism

In philosophy, there is always a mover.  If we see an object, turn our back, and then look at the object again to see it in a different place, then we conclude there someone or something caused the object move, which there was someone or something to cause that unknown to act.  We can go back and back and back to where we reach the ultimate unknown, which gives rise to God.  If the Big Bang happened, then something set it into place.

83 – Agnostic Atheism

But if there is a God, and God created everything, then what created God?  If God is complex, then he arrived through his own method of evolution.

As you can see, I still set that there is no God, but I give rise to the oppurtunity that there might be a God, but it is likely not the Christian God.  If anyone is interested, I will be happy to post my scale from 1 to 100 that identifies where you fit in with your beliefs and understandings (or lack there of).  It is comprehensive, but I think it is a nice tool to help people identify themselves.  I urge anyone to ask me questions.  I plan on someday soon posting videos on YouTube to discuss various aspects of the Bible, for the purpose to prove that Atheist do read it, and to gain understanding/clarity of the Bible.  Perhaps one day I will believe in God again, but I do not see myself going any higher than Agnostic Theism.

I am proud to admit, I am an Atheist.